Is Low Self-Esteem Linked With More Regrets In Relationships?

Many of us have regrets relating to past relationships, but a new study by Francesca Righetti and Mariko Visserman has linked low self-esteem to feelings of regret over sacrifices made in the past. 

The study aimed to investigate whether a person’s self-esteem could influence their feelings about sacrifices they had made in romantic relationships and, specifically, whether they regretted or praised themselves for those sacrifices made in the past. The researchers wanted to help inform people on how sacrifices and self-esteem were linked and how it could be presenting itself in their relationship.

The Study

The researchers spoke with 130 couples and asked them to take a questionnaire. They were also asked to complete daily journals to measure their life satisfaction and the self-esteem felt based on the sacrifices they had made with their partner that day. 

All participants were then asked to complete a follow-up questionnaire a year after the original study. 

The Outcome

The study concluded that feelings of regret about past sacrifices was, at least partially, related to having a low self-esteem. 

“Self-esteem is not related to the outcome of the decision (whether to sacrifice or not), but it is only related to the counterfactual thinking and the emotional reaction of this decision,” the researchers explained.

This means that people with low & high self-esteem were just as likely to make sacrifices in their relationships. The difference was that those participants with low self-esteem were more likely to regret making those sacrifices. 

The authors went on to say: “Our work showed that one of the reasons why low self-esteem affects well-being is that low self-esteem people tend to regret their sacrifices, probably because they are fearful of having given too much in the relationship while not perceiving support from their partner after this prosocial behaviour.”

In my opinion, low self-esteem is a coping mechanism people tend to develop to deal with their caregivers during early childhood. Their emotional needs were not met and thereofre the emergence of trauma. We have to also keep in mind that trauma is not only something bad that happened but also something good that never happened. Feel like talking more about this? Book your session below and let’s talk.