Helping A Loved One With Depression

I can tell you from personal experience that if your partner is suffering with depression, it may feel as though you are helpless, or that there is nothing you can do to help. In this article, we look at some of the ways that you can support your loved one to recovery from depression.

I have been a witness to a partner with depression and it lead me to feel confused, at times frustrated and overall overwhelmed. I was experiencing feelings of rejection and being ignored when I was trying to help. I remember feeling a sense of responsibility for my partner’s depression. As if it was my fault and I had to do something about it to make it right. These feelings are all very common and if you feel the same, you are not alone.

If you haven’t already, click here to take the short quiz: Does My Partner Have Depression? Answer these 8 questions to see if the person you love is affected by symptoms common among people with depression.

As an illness, depression can be very isolating and can have negative impacts on relationships, leaving those closest to the sufferer feeling helpless and afraid. Sufferers of depression may feel sad, hopeless, discouraged and persistently angry. Outbursts and angry attacks can be common. It is very normal for them to become withdrawn and show little interest or pleasure in life. They don’t seem to care about finding joy anymore.

Added together, these factors make it difficult to understand how to help your partner when they are depressed. It is vital, however, as a strong support network is key to recovery. You can’t cure your partner of depression, but there is lots that can be done to help them along the way.

Do Your Research

A diagnosis of depression is not generally given until there have been at least two weeks or a depressed mood, loss of interest or pleasure. Having said that, it is not a static illness. Sufferers can have very good days, maybe even a few in a row, but then slip into a period of feeling significantly depressed again. This ebb and flow can be confusing for loved ones who are supporting on the sidelines.
Depression can include the following symptoms:

• Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, or hopelessness

• Changes in appetite (including weight gain or loss)

• Sleep disturbance (sleeping too much or too little)

• Loss of interest or pleasure in normal activities

• Fatigue (even small tasks can require extra time)

• Anxiety or agitation

• Anger outbursts

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt (including ruminating on past events)

• Trouble thinking, concentrating, or making decisions

• Frequent thoughts of death, including suicidal thoughts

• Unexplained physical symptoms

It is important when helping your partner to understand the disease first. The symptoms can vary and change over time. Whilst you should read to learn more about it, and consult professionals for advice, one of the best ways that you can understand your partner’s experience is to ask open-ended questions and listen empathetically.

Be Present

Whilst researching local treatments and support groups is helpful, one of the best things you can do for your partner is to simply show up. You may feel like you don’t have all the answers, and that is fine, but what you can do is sit and listen. Hold their hand and hold them. Use encouraging statements, such as:

• “Tell me what I can do to help.”

• “You are important to me.”

• “I am here for you.”

• “We will get through this together.” 

Talk About Treatment

Although many sufferers of depression may have very severe symptoms that are noticeable, many people may not recognize that they are depressed. If they do not notice and understand the symptoms of depression, they may feel that they simply must endure their feelings.

A lot of people feel that they can get better with willpower or a mindset change, but depression very rarely improves without treatment. You can help your loved one by encouraging them to get treatment and attend appointments with them.

To help your partner get treatment, consider doing the following:

• Share the symptoms that you’ve noticed.

• Express your concern.

• Express your willingness to help, including making and preparing for appointments.

• Discuss what you’ve learned about depression.

• Talk about treatment options, including psychotherapy, medication, and lifestyle changes. 

Create a Sanctuary at Home

You should not overlook the impact that changes in lifestyle can have during the treatment process. Depression can really zap a person’s energy and impact sleep and appetite, so it can be challenging for depressed people to make healthy choices.
Here are some ways that you can help:

1. Focus on healthy eating. Plan and cook healthy meals together to encourage good food choices.

2. Exercise together. Daily exercise can boost your mood. Plan a daily walk or bike ride to inspire getting back to exercise.

3. Help your partner stick with treatment. If you can, go to appointments together and sit in the waiting room. Psychotherapy can be emotionally exhausting in the early stages and having support helps.

4. Create a low stress environment. Routines can help depressed people feel more in control of their day-to-day lives. Consider creating a daily schedule to handle meals, medications, and chores.

5. Make plans together. Depression can cause a loss of interest in pleasurable activities. To that end, depressed people sometimes avoid social interactions. Make a weekly date to rent a movie, go for a hike, or even play board games. Start small to help your loved one begin socializing again.

6. Give positive reinforcement. When people feel hopeless, they tend to judge themselves harshly. Be sure to point out strengths and areas of improvement to help your partner see progress. 

Look At Milestones

Even getting out of bed can feel like a monumental task when someone is suffering with depression.
By acknowledging small goals and daily achievements, you can really help your partner. Break down larger goals, like applying for a new job, into smaller tasks. For example, updating CV, writing a cover letter, research jobs. This can help them to return to normal daily activities.

If just getting up in the morning is a challenge, focus on getting up, having a shower, eating a good breakfast. Whilst treatment will help them to improve, you will need to stay patient and understanding as they work through their depressive episode.

Know The Risks

One major concern for relatives is that depression can lead to an increased risk of suicide. It is important to know the warning signs so that you can help your loved one to get medical assistance if needed. Some examples of red flags include:

• Talking about suicide

• Getting a means to attempt suicide, such as purchasing a gun or stockpiling pills

• Extreme mood swings – very high one day and deeply discouraged the next

• Social withdrawal

• Preoccupied with thoughts of death

• Noticeable changes in normal daily routines

• Feeling overwhelmed with hopelessness

• Engaging in risky or self-destructive behavior, including drug or alcohol abuse or reckless driving

• Giving away belongings

• Saying goodbye

• Getting affairs in order

• Developing personality changes
  

Finally, caring for a partner with depression can be emotionally draining for the caregiver. It is vital, therefore, that you focus on your own self-care as well and build your own support network to have people to talk to during this time.

Caring for a partner with depression is emotionally taxing for the caregiver. It’s important to practice self-care and increase your own support network during this time. If you feel the need to talk about it, book your session below and let’s have a chat. And please share this post, it could really help someone in need!