Why Do We Feel The Need To Bond?

Humans are wired to form relationships of attachment since birth. We are the only mammals who remain so vulnerable for such a long time when we are infants. This require the formation of mechanisms of attachment with caregivers for our survival.

Infant attachment is based upon three main factors: (1) An inbuilt predisposition to enjoy social interaction (2) An innate bias to become attached to things with certain properties and (3)An inbuilt fear for the unknown and unfamiliar.

Between birth and 3 months of age, we do not discriminate between people. At 4 months of age, we show preference for certain people. 7 months in and we develop a clear preference for a single attachment figure (often but not always the mother) and we also start to develop a fear of strangers. At 9 months we start to form multiple attachments with an inner circle.

Your attachment in childhood with caregivers lays the foundation upon which your future relationships are built!

If someone’s first attachment relationship is unhealthy, then this will have an effect on their relationships for the rest of their lives.

If the first attachment relationship was loving and secure, the person grows to be an emotionally open and emotionally confident individual.

This process affects ours lives to the point where we tend to look for certain qualities from our partners in intimate relationships / friendships, depending the security we felt from the attachment to our early caregivers.

Now think how your attachment to your caregivers is affecting your relationships (intimate of friendships). And if you want to talk about it, let’s chat!